Sidelined as a secondary reporter on Channel 6 with her cameraman Vernon, April O’Neil dreams of that one story that will make her a serious journalist. Determined, she investigates the Foot Gang, which is terrorizing the city. Her curiosity leads her to the mysterious defenders of justice: Leonardo, Michelangelo, Raphael and Donatello, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, who secretly defend the citizens of New York against evil…

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Adapting a popular comic-book-turned-cartoon into a Hollywood action flick sounds at best like a very bad idea. Giving the task to producer Michael Bay, that terrorist of neurons, makes it a complete nightmare. From the beginning to its generic end, there is proof that the entire movie was nothing but a marketing project. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is rife with absolute cynicism; it is cosmically stupid and deathly boring. The humor is awful, the story is stunningly bad, the dialogue is banal and the action scenes are noisy and incoherent. The movie’s box office success in the US says more about that country than the quality of the film. Megan Fox’s ridiculous pout doesn’t help, nor does the lifeless direction of the mediocre Jonathan Liebesman, and the quartet of digital heroes are just plain ugly. Even worse: in just a few months, we’ll be faced with the release of the equally indigestible The Amazing Spider-Man 2.